


Picking up the pieces.

by IceBreeze



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, One-Sided Relationship, The Queen and The Guardian, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6697495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBreeze/pseuds/IceBreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Allison receives something devastating in the mail, it's up to Dan to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picking up the pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> For Anon's prompt: '16. It could be worse.' 
> 
> I am so so sorry that it is taking me so long to reply to the prompts (exam season has started so I don't have much time to myself lately) but I have not forgotten about them and I will definitely answer them all (so if you want to send more then please go ahead), it just may take me a while to do so.
> 
> Thank you so much for the prompt! I'll try and write you one for the 50 at some point, when I have time. This is probably not what you wanted (it's not what I wanted either, but pain loves me too much) but I hope you like it! Dan's pov was a wild ride and I hope I did her justice.
> 
> [Please send me a prompt and I'll write something for you!](http://polyhymina.tumblr.com/ask)

“It could be worse, you know.”

When all Allison did was stare at her with eyes that were practically dead (empty and gone, not here with her but in her head where she threatened to tear herself to pieces), Dan worried that she’d finally had too much, that she’d snapped and there was going to be no salvaging her from this wreck. 

_(There’d be no way she could bounce back a third time. There’s only so much pain a person can take before it’s too much and she’d long since passed that warning sign)._

It took several minutes before she threw her head back and barked out a laugh- a dark and bitter and pained to the point that it felt like someone had torn her apart until nothing was left but the vulnerability that made Dan wince, sure (for not the first time that night), but it was _something_ and that was all she could hope for.

_(She didn’t dare try for more, because if she did then life would spit on her and take even more from them. It’s a jerk like that)._

She opened her mouth to try and push, to attempt to get through to her before it progressed past the point of salvation, but Allison beat her to it (with a voice that was borderline hysterical, but Dan would take what she could get):

“Worse? How? That she’s dead, instead?”

There was a contemplative pause, before she continued.

“Actually, I’d almost prefer that. At least then it’d be easier to deal with because she’d be fucking _gone_ , not just out of reach _._ ”

The words were harsh and sincere, and she couldn’t tell if it was a good sign or a bad one (good because that’s the most emotion she’d shown in a while, bad because hello. Wishing someone dead is not coping). It made her head hurt as she sat there, trying to figure out how she is supposed to feel about the whole thing when she is torn because she has seen both sides of the story. 

_(She’s seen how happy Renee is, smile warm and content in a way she hasn’t seen in a long time. The way her eyes light up when she talks about the wedding. The way she is oblivious to how her happiness causes another pain. She’d seen how good this love was for her, and she couldn’t begrudge her that._

_But she also seen the pain in Allison’s eyes when they first heard the news. How no matter the length of time that passed, that Allison’s feelings didn’t change. She saw how Allison struggled to remain a good friend, trying so hard to make sure that Renee was first, that it was Renee’s feelings that were the priority and it didn’t matter if it tore her to pieces, because it was Renee. She saw how much pain this love caused her, and it made her heart ache)._

Despite how much it hurt to say nothing- despite the overwhelming need to  speak, to know, to understand- she didn’t. Because she remembered the advice Bee had given her all those years ago.

_(”Allison feels with all her heart. You have to let her try and work through it before you try and help, just let her know you’re there. Often, she just needs silent company.”)_

So she simply watched, clamping down on the worry and guilt and pain that grew stronger and stronger as Allison took a large gulp of vodka, eye’s glistening with tears that she angrily swiped away. When another laugh bubbled from her throat- voice raw and strained- she set the bottle down and snatched up the invitation from where it lay between them. She said:

“I can’t believe she’s getting married to someone named Emilio. Emilio, of all people.”

_(Her knuckles were pulled taught as she clenched the invitation, torn between wanting to tear it to pieces and wanting to keep it pristine as she crumpled, uncrumpled, smoothed and recrumpled. It was like a slap in the face, a reminder of something she'd never have but she so badly wanted.  
_

_She would have preferred a slap)._

“Who the fuck names their child Emilio.”

Ah. A good sign appears at last. (Anger is always good). She felt that they would soon need alot more than what they had with them (a half empty bottle of vodka and a few stray drops of beer), so Dan went to get more alcohol and upon returning, settled down beside her so her shoulders were against Allison’s in silent support, simply adding:

“It is a goddamn awful name. We should petition him to change it- even the president would be delighted to sign.”

The laugh this time was watery, the only warning there was before her head fell to Dan’s shoulder and she whispered:

“Why is it that I always fall in love with those I will lose?”

_(She’d fallen for Seth- bruised knuckles, clenched fists, harsh words that hid how he could love so strongly- clinging on determinedly only to have him snatched away from her by the cruel tantrum of an overgrown child.  
_

_She’d fallen for Renee- soft smiles that hid strength like no other and a desperation to be good, to be kind in a world that was so cruel- only for it to remain unnoticed and unheeded as she went off to marry someone else. Someone that wasn’t her-it would never be her and it hurt and hurt and hurt-  and they would live too far out of reach for her to grasp. She’d well and truly lose her, despite how much she’d try to pretend otherwise.)._

She laughed and laughed until her voice cracked, turning it into a sob. And she broke, burying her face in Dan’s shoulder as she cried, voice trembling as hard as her body: 

“Why is it I can’t hate her?” 

_(It would be easier to resent her, to grow bitter and angry and blame, blame, blame until she was an old woman with a stick to wave and shriveled skin to match her heart. It would be easier to hate than to grieve, to feel the pain of Seth all over again, only tenfold because there’s no corpse this time, just the shreds of her love as it’s dangled in front of her. She’s not gone- not dead- so she has to see her and hear her and know she’s so much happier with someone else than she will be with her, even though it hurts, it hurts,_ it hurts.

_Even though she loves her so much she can’t remember what anything else feels like)._

Biting down on the urge to rage, to spout spiteful words about Renee that they both know she wouldn’t- couldn’t- mean because she felt a sliver of misguided hatred at her friend for causing this (which wasn’t fair to her, because she didn’t know and really couldn’t help it), Dan remained silent, wrapping her arm around Allison and pulling her into a hug. She held her, head buried into her hair, until the show of support and comfort broke the last of her barriers and the tears fell freely. She held her as she cried for what felt like hours, gaze focused on the accursed invitation and felt a vague desire to burn it.

_(If she burnt it, maybe it would help Allison. If it burnt, then the constant, stabbing reminder of what was causing her to break would be gone. If it burnt, it would be gone and she didn’t need it here. She didn’t need to see it)._

She waited until Allison lost her steam, tears dried out as she lay limply against her, before pressing a kiss into her hair and tightening her hold as she said quietly:

“Because she’s the one whose blind. She’s the one who’ll miss out on so much because she didn’t pay attention.”

She didn’t say ‘Because she’s the one you love and your love is something that never dies, not matter how much you want it to.’ There was so much she could have said that would only be like bullets to her when it would be words that made or broke her.

_(Somewhere in the world, Renee was lying in Emilio’s arms, content  as she planned for their approaching wedding, unaware that every passing day she drove a knife deeper into Allison’s heart. Somewhere in the world, one of them was happy.  
_

_In a dark living room surrounded by empty bottles, Dan was trying to save Allison from drowning whilst remaining a good friend and it was like walking on broken glass. For Allison’s heart had been shattered and it was up to her to pick up the pieces._

_Somewhere in the world, she felt that someone was laughing at them, that someone enjoyed seeing one person break apart whilst another put themselves back together. Perhaps they could have been happy in another world. Perhaps somewhere out there, somebodies life was going well)._

**Author's Note:**

> Can be found on [tumblr.](http://polyhymina.tumblr.com/writings)


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